To Buy or Not to Buy...

Still waiting to hear from the workers. I was hoping that we might get a phone call tonight while I was in class. It's so funny because in a way life is going on just as it always does. I registered Clark for Preschool today, took Cody to the Dr. for an ear infection, and signed up Carissa, Jacqui, and Clark for gymnastics. Then I made dinner and went to class this evening. I just got home a little while ago. Things are going on as they always do, but there is also this wonderful possibility almost within reach. I keep thinking about this baby boy. Jeremiah is his name, and wondering how he is. I wonder what he looks like and what new things he is starting to do each day. I wonder who is caring for him, and I hope he is getting lots and lots of love and attention. A part of me wants to start nesting, like I've done the other times when I was waiting for our babies. It's interesting because having given birth to our 4 other children, I had 9 months. Okay, not quite 9 months in my case, but anywhere from 8 months to 8 months and 2 weeks to prepare and get ready. This time around things are so different. We are hoping that this baby becomes a part of our family, but we don't know if that will happen and exactly how fast things will happen if we are chosen. Part of me wants to know so that I can get things ready, but another part of me is afraid to buy any baby stuff for fear of not being selected. Our age range with Children's Division is 0-5, so if we aren't able to have Jeremiah come into our lives or the other possible baby then we could get a 1,2,3,4, or 5 year old. Baby things wouldn't really work well then. Of course, we still have a crib and some of those types of things, but I'd still need to buy clothes, a new car seat, bottles, etc. I'm not complaining. I would love to go to the baby store and go crazy, or as crazy as our bank account will allow. It's just interesting how different it is in this situation. Waiting to hear is so hard, but another part of me is afraid that we won't be chosen. In a way I'd rather keep waiting than be told no. I do hope that his birth mom makes the best possible plan for him, though, and if she feels more comfortable with a different family I know we will be sad, but we will be able to find peace with it.